soo much paper

Swag, Part I: Holding the Bag

From time to time the human female goes to one of the Scientific Products shows that are held on campus.  Theoretically, it’s so she can go and look at products that might be useful in the teaching labs or talk to the vendors and try to arrange a good price for chemicals or labware that she needs.  But I know better:  These shows usually have free food, which she is genetically incapable of passing up. Also, the vendor booths hand out little free things.  Collectively, this is called “SWAG”  The human female will stand and talk with purveyors of multi-thousand-dollar microscopes and animal-anaesthesia systems and whatnot, knowing full well she will never buy anything from them, just hoping they are handing out superior trinkets.  I think therefore, that “SWAG” might also be an acronym:  Stuff We Aren’t Getting, or perhaps Schmooze While Actually Greedy.

Today the human female has returned with quite a haul, all loaded into this handy-but-garish insulated bag.


She has left it unattended whilst eating her lunch (Really?  She has room for lunch after inhaling a buffet’s worth of cookies, fruit, pizza, and bagels?)  Sigyn, let us examine the contents more closely.


There seems to be a vast quantity of paper inside.


Hmm.  A coupon for a company which deals in gold.  She is just going to squander this, so I think I’ll take it.  I could use some more gold.


Sigyn is going to be disappointed when she learns that this company does not actually sell orchids.


More brochures, all for products she will probably never buy.  Although I might contact this outfit to see if they can produce antibodies that will render me proof against the epidemic of election year rhetoric, by which I find myself increasingly sickened…

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