summer blockbuster

Revenge of the Flora, Part 15

“Avengers and allies, report!”

“I’ve finally got Rosebear down for the count, but I think someone needs to check on Hawkeye.”

“And I’ve got the uh, is it celery?  The celery all wrapped up.”

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“If anyone wishes to make banana bread, I believe we have the ingredients.”

“And this broccoli will never trouble anyone again.”

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“The sun’s gettin’ real low.”

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“I… I think we won!  Good work, team!”

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“Hulk?  Hulk?  Hey, buddy, you can stand down now.  Let Bruce out to play.”

“Hulk smash!”

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“I’m gettin’ out of here!  This is gonna be messy!

 

(to be continued…)

Revenge of the Flora, Part 14

(The battle continues.)

“I finally got my shield back and subdued that guy.  Man, I am not going to want to eat broccoli for months.  Now let’s see if I can pluck this daisy once and for all.”

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……

Zap!

“Grrrr!  I thought bananas were supposed to bruise easily?!”

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…..

“Man, I am gonna need to get my paws on that guy’s arm!”

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…..

“Doctor Banner, good of you to join us!”

“Roooaaaaarrrr!”

“Hulk smash!  Hulk make corn meal!”

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Slam!  Thud!

“Hulk say corn bear go nighty-night!”

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“Hulk wonder if salt and butter handy…”

(to be continued)

Revenge of the Flora, Part 13

Zooom!

“Hey, Kittycat!  Hey, ladies!  Everything all right over here?”

“We are all well, Man of Iron.  My claws have kept all foes at bay.”

“How ’bout you, Sigyn?  Still all right?  Still hanging around with Reindeer Games?”

“Um… Hi, Tony.”

“Stark, shouldn’t you be, oh, I don’t know–shooting something?”

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“Muffy-muffin, you wound me!  Just for that, I’ll go kill something in your honor.  Will that make you happy?”

“Extremely.”

……

Eat magic and wither, you smirking petaled pestilence.”

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……………………

“Hey, Cap!

“What?”

“Didn’t we kill this Pink Bonnet Thing like ten times already?”

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“I thought so!  Some of these plants are pretty hard to take out!”

“I’ll give it a double blast, then and make it an even dozen.”

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Whizz!

Clang!

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“Note to self:  Apparently vibranium does not ricochet off of broccoli.”

(to be continued…)

 

Revenge of the Flora, Part 12

Meanwhile, on another part of the battlefield…

Rocket!

“What, Quill?  I’m kinda busy over here!”

“I got your message.  When you said you were ‘fighting giant flowers‘, I thought you’d been sniffing engine cleaner.  What’s with the flora?”

“I don’t know.  Just shoot something!”

“Anyone got dibs on the sunflower with the tennies?”

“Naw–knock yourself out!”

“Sunflower, meet Star Lord!”

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Zwip! Zwip!

“Augh!  Get off me, human!

“You wish!  And now I think I’ll shoot you again!”

“Quill!  We don’t need a play by play.  Quit horsing around and just finish it off!”

“Well, Nebula, how about you do things your way and I’ll do things my way, which is much more dramatic.”

“More dramatic than a clean shot right between the eyes?”

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Sorry! Pardon me! Just, uh, swinging through!”

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“Friendly neighborhood Spider-Man here!  Heard you guys were having trouble with some produce?”

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“Looks like this banana is down for the count, though. Off to find a livelier target!”

Foul blossom!  The good Nebula has already dealt you a blow that would have felled many a warrior!  Now feel the wrath of Mjolnir!”

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“And stay down!”

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“Quill!  Aren’t you done with that sunflower yet?”

Workin’ on it!  Hey–I thought that banana was already pudding?”

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“Just making sure.  Go ahead, bear, twitch–I dare you.”

“Bam! And now the sun’s down!”

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“Let’s do a little experiment!  Let’s see if a jolt from my Widow’s Bites is enough to  turn you into popcorn!”

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“Aw, yeah!  Star Lord for the win!”

(to be continued)

Revenge of the Flora, Part 11

<Bifrost noises>  Whooooosh!

“It would appear, brother, that we have arrived none too soon.”

“Shut up, Thor.  If I hadn’t been wasting time rushing to your aid, we’d have been first on the scene.”

“Truly, Loki, I did not need your help.  I did not ask for your help!  Curse these pestilent vegetables!  They told you I was in trouble and you believed them!”

“And what does it say about you, “brother“, that when I heard you’d fallen into a vat of pop-tart filling and were going to drown— or else explode from trying to eat your way out, I never for a moment wondered if it wasn’t true?”

“Let us cease this bickering.  There is warriors’ work to do.”

“On that, we agree.  Unhand my beloved, you ursa-rosa  miscreant!”

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Make me.”

With great pleasure.”

Allow me, brother.  I shall make quick work of this one—”

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“While I introduce this yellow horror to my friend Gungnir.  Muffy, duck!”

Zap!  

Augh!

“Sigyn!

“Loki!”

“Are you all right?”

“I’m okay.  <sniffle> Oh, Loki!  We were just walking and suddenly there they all were, and we tried to get away and—-”

“Hush, my beloved.  Don’t cry.  You are safe now.  T’Challa, will you guard my sweetheart and yours while I help finish off the rest of these fiends?”

“Their lives shall be as my own.”

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“I don’t need ‘guarding!’  Have you forgotten I run a martial arts studio?

“Andizange ndilibale, luthando lwam, kodwa nceda—ndivumele ukuba ndibe luncedo.”

Bang!

Pow!

Oof!

Thud!

“You’ve met Thor, you sorry sack of mildewing pot-pourri, Asgard’s own Golden Boy.  Now meet the black sheep of the family, the Bad Son, the one who’s going to turn you into mulch.”

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Zap!  Zap!  Zap, zap, zap! Zap-zap-zap-zap-zap-zap!”

<whine>

(to be continued…)

 

Revenge of the Flora, Part 9

“Hey, Cap!  Heard you over the comms.  Need some help?”

“Sure thing, Widow.  I’ve got giant fruit bears over here and who knows what they’re capable of.”

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“Rocket!  Good job taking that rose-headed bear down!  Can you rescue Sigyn?”

“On it, Cap!”

“Cap–where do you want me?  I’m feeling a real need to wipe some smirks off some vegetation over here.”

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“Keep the daisies busy, Hawkeye, or see if you can get a handle on that giant peach.”

“You got it.  Man, stone fruit just should not be that big.”

“All right!   Time to make some masa out of this corn guy!”

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“And, um, Widow, did you do something new with your hair?”

“Yeah.  Not sure I’m going to keep it, though.”

“Looks good.”

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“We can swap beauty secrets later, Cap.  Right now I think I’ll whip up a little fruit salad. Хорошо, идиоты, кто из вас хочет умереть первым?”

(to be continued…)

Revenge of the Flora, Part 8

Vrooooom!

Screeeech!

Hey!  What’s all the ruckus?  Why’ve you got hold of my friend Sigyn, and what’s the kitten doing on the ground?

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“Stay out of this, rodent.  It doesn’t concern you.”

“‘Rodent‘, is it?  Just for that, me and my buddy Groot, here, are gonna unleash six kinds of whoop-ass on you. ”

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“See this cannon?  When this is all done, there won’t be enough left of you jokers to make a small side-salad and a boutonniere.  What do you say to that?”

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Vrooooom!

“Hey, Rocket—Need any help?”

“Nah, Cap, I got this, but because I’m such a nice guy, I’ll let you take a swing at a couple of the posies, if you want.”

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“Thanks!  Because I hate bullies, even if they do look like a corsage run amok.”

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“Now, listen up:  You weeds have two of my good friends.  Let them go now and we can all walk away from this in one piece.”

“Ha!  Do your worst, Captain Spandex!”

<knuckles cracking>  “I was kinda hoping you’d say that.”

“You stand no chance of defeating us!”

On va voir!

(to be continued…)

Revenge of the Flora, Part 7

“All right, I may not be able to take on all of you, but I bet I can make a Muffy-sized dent in your evil operation.  Come on, you twisted Veggie Tales wannabes, show me what you’ve got.”

Smack!

Thud!

Pow!

“She slices, she dices—and Mr. Tall, Green, and Walleyed is down for the count!”

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“What the—?  How can you—?!  You’re so tiny!”

“News for you, Corn Pops, it’s a-maize-ing what you can do when you understand about balance and agility and how to use someone’s size against them.”

“Grrr!”

“Know what?  You would look better on the ground, next to your buddy.”

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“And stay down!”

Vroooooom!

32-here-comes-help

(to be continued…)

Revenge of the Flora, Part 6

“Rosebear, take Sigyn away and hold her until the human female shows up.”

“Sure thing, boss.”

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“Muffy!  Muffy, help me!

“I’m sorry!  There are too many of them!  I don’t think I can fight them all at once!”

“Muffy!”

“Hold on!  I’ll think of something!”

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“Put me down!  I can walk.”

“All right, but no funny stuff”

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“Where are you taking me?  Where are we going?”

“How about on the back porch with all the plants the human female has killed?”

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“I’m doomed.”

(to be continued…)

Revenge of the Flora, Part 5

“Hey, Charles Broccoli, you seen the Big Boss anyplace?”

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“Yeah.  He’s just over there.  We’re  s’posed to take these two to him.”

“Come along then, ladies.  And don’t try anything funny.  We’ve got you surrounded.”

23-carted away

<“Psst, Muffy?”>

<“Yes, Sigyn?”>

<“I…I’m scared.  I wish Loki were here.”>

<“Don’t worry.  They outnumber us, but I think I can take them if I have to.  Don’t forget–I may look like a pussycat, but I’ve got about six black belts.  Keep your head and we’ll come out of this just fine.”>

<“Okay.  I’ll try.  I’m so glad you’re with me!>

“All right, ladies.  Say hello to the Big Boss, Mr. Justin Peachy.

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“Greetings.  You can call me Just Peachy.  And this is my right-hand man, Cornbear.  Come closer.  Let’s have a look at you.”

“What do you want with us?”

“Well, little Sigyn, I’ll tell you.”

25-see here my little friends

“You’re friends with the human female, yes?”

“Yes, but–”

“And you’ve seen the state of her lawn, haven’t you?”

“Yes, but see–her foot’s been in a boot and she can’t mow and–”

“And she has that dead tree in the back yard, right?”

“Yes, but–”

“And did she or did she not forget a cucumber in her fridge until it turned into a puddle of yellow goo?”

“That could happen to anyone and–”

“And you’ve seen the sad state of the plants at her work.  Your friend Loki likes to take the credit…

dead violet

“…but we all know that she’s in charge over there, so if something dies on her watch, it’s her fault.”

“But what do you want with us?”

“Basically, little girl, you and your feline friend here are just bait.  Associates of mine are keeping your Loki busy on the other side of town.  The human female will have to come and rescue you.  And when she shows up, it’s payback time.”

“You mean—?”

“Yes.  She will finally have to answer for all of the abuses that flowers, fruits, and veggies have suffered at her hands over the years.”

Oh, no!  What will you do to her?”

“Let’s just say she has an appointment with some pruning shears and some herbicide and let’s leave it at that.”

“But, please, couldn’t you–?”

“No.”

“Damn.”

(to be continued…)