Terror Twins

A New Yule Tradition–Day Two: To Market, To Market

We slept very well in our cozy little camper last night.  Of course, the fact that I conjured up a very soft and downy featherbed, a two-person bathtub, and a breakfast of crepes and fresh fruit just added to its charm.

So now we sally forth to see what delights this charming town has to offer.  It’s supposed to have a famous open-air market in the square, so that’s where we are headed first.

Sigyn is beside herself!  This farmer breeds an extraordinary sort of reindeer, one with a long and silky coat that he sells as fleeces or which his wife spins into yarn.

llama

They have brought one of the beasts with them and Sigyn is losing no time making friends.  I suspect we will be tarrying here for a while…

Look, Sigyn!  This next stall seems to carry a lot of merchandise that looks like your friend Muffy.

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Pick her out a nice souvenir and I will magically post it back to her. (I’m not trusting anything to Fed Up and Exhausted!)

Ehehehe!  I should have known!

snow globe

We may have been deprived of seeing glass in the museum, but if there are glass paperweights or snowglobes anywhere, you can be sure my beloved will find them!   That gingerbread fellow is almost as tall as you!

Oh, now isn’t that cute?

cat mug

Sigyn says this mug reminds her of the Terror Twins back home.  She wants to know if I miss them.  Sweetie, last night’s dinner was the first I’ve had without cat hair in months.  No, I don’t miss them.  But I do wonder if Taffy is still sleeping on the human female’s head, the way I’ve been teaching her?  (I don’t have to actually be present to annoy the human female!)

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How to Properly Return a Parcel

It’s all about the packages and parcels this week.  It’s always gratifying when the things one has ordered arrive whole and sound in the post, and maddening when they arrive in less than mint condition—and even more infuriating when they don’t arrive at all. But what about things which arrive in good condition but which aren’t what was ordered?  Returns, ugh!

Some merchants helpfully provide return instructions.

returna cat1

Hmm.  Is there anything in the house that needs to be sent off somewhere?  Maybe something that knocks over houseplants, tries to sneak into the garage, runs races through the house at 3:00 a.m., crinkles any and all paper, licks empty yogurt cartons, and sheds on everything?

I hired the Terror Twins on as minions, but lately they’ve been less about following my orders and more about general mayhem

I have an idea

returna cat2

There!  That ought to do it!

returna cat3

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Things to Hug and Things to Eat

I must admit to enjoying the movie.  Sigyn liked the costumes.  I liked the snark.  

Now all of us, including the friends the humans met up with earlier today, are supposed to go eat dinner.  The rendezvous place?  One of the fun Japanese stores.  It is much like the one in the big city to the west.

It is full of things Sigyn wants to make friends with.

d-kinok-dog

I know you want to take the puppy home, sweetie, and having one more animal to shed on the human female’s clothes is an appealing prospect, I grant you, but it wouldn’t get along with the Terror Twins.

Yes, you are right. This dragon would not shed–at at least not hair.  And I can see that though he looks fierce, he is just a big softy.

d-kinok-dragon

But how big is he going to grow?  You need to think ahead.  Once he’s the size of a house and the neighbors start complaining, you’ll be sad.  That’s right: give him one last hug and tell him goodbye.

That was close!  I thought for a minute we were adding a dragon to the family.  Sigyn, are you about ready to go eat? Sigyn–?

Where did Sigyn go?

I should have known.

d-kinok-panda

Sigyn has been adopted by a family of pandas.  She says that she doesn’t want to bring one home with us, because it would miss all its brothers and sisters and cousins, but she wants to know if she can come back to visit every now and then.

I think that could be arranged…

Dinner awaits!

Looks like we will be eating with sticks again.  Oh, goody.  (I can do it, but ramen is splattery, and my cloak has enough problems already.)

hanabi-ramen1

Ehehehe. I’ve arranged a little surprise for the human female.  She was in the mood for chicken ramen, but ALL the ramen on the menu is pork belly!  (That’s what you get for dragging me to a place that makes me eat with sticks.)  So sad!  Looks like it’s veggie ramen for you!

And all the dumplings for me!

hanabi-ramen2

Well, I’ll share with Sigyn, of course. But none for the rest of you!

Nom nom nom.  Tummy’s full now.  Since I missed my movie nap, I think I may sleep all the way home.  (Which is just as well, as the conversation is sure to be 100% pens.)

Snzzzz….

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Hobby Hijinks, Part III: Mischief That’s Off the Charts

Another of the human female’s hobbies is needlework.  She didn’t do much last year and was hoping to do a lot this year, but then the THUMB happened, and everything’s on hold.  Still she’s been very busy, charting a design she wants to cross stitch.  This is the design–a rug from Portugal.

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So she’s been carefully studying closeup photos of the thing, painstakingly transcribing it onto graph paper.

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She has to label each page with its adjacent pages and make little red registration marks for lining them up. It’s going to take over 100 colors of floss–and how many pages of chart so far, Sigyn?

chart-whole

Seventy-one?  She’ll die of old age before she finishes it.

Especially since I’ve convinced the Terror Twins that graph paper is a tasty feline treat!

chart-chewed1

She is putting all the graph paper charting into a computer program—which I’ve finagled so that it only runs on her old computer, the one with imminent hinge-failure.   Since the program allows only 100 colors in any one design, she’s had to split the fool thing into five files which will need to be jigsawed back together after printout.  If anything happens to those computer files and their backups, it’s a couple years’ work–poof! down the drain.  She’s very near finishing.  It would be terrible if anything happened to it…

Lenny!  Fancy meeting you here!  I innocently had no idea you’d be coming by today.  But as long as you’re in the neighborhood, I have a little job for you…

eraser-chart1

(rub, rub, rub…)

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I knew I liked this guy!

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ENOYING OTHER PEOPLE’S PRESENTS, PART II: Of Mischief and Mirrors

Let us see what else is under the tree that isn’t marked “Loki” but which can be turned profitably to my use.

I am sensing a theme here…

totoropencil

The pencil matches the puzzle from yesterday.  That’s cute, but how does one help with the other?  It’s a fancy pencil, one that rotates the lead so that it is always worn to a sharp point.  Clever.  Bet I can “adjust” the mechanism for maximum mischief.  Or, if not, a very pointy pencil makes a very good improvised weapon…

Ah.  This has even more promise.

christmasink

Blue ink!  One of the human female’s fountain pens is currently filled with a very lovely but thoroughly misbehaving blue called Liberty’s Elysium.  Misbehaving, because I nudged it with a trifling little curdle spell, which was just enough to make it clot up and stop writing in the middle of a sentence, which is hilarious–at least for me.

The human female admired this ink at some point in the past, so it showed up in her stocking.  It’s a pricey brand, so that’s a good present.  I won’t meddle with this one.  I’ll see that it behaves in an exemplary fashion, with nary a blot.  Note, however, that it was a one-off, made by Menteverde for the big stamp show in the realm’s capital this year.  I’ll let the human female fall in love with it, then make sure no other bottle is ever available again.

Sigyn is in raptures over another of the human female’s presents.

christmascompact

I am the farthest thing from a needlework connoisseur, but even I can tell that someone took a lot of pains to make all of those tiny stitches.

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There’s a little thumb latch, so it would appear that this is meant to open.  What’s inside?

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Just the most beautiful face in the whole world!

I shall create a diversion involving the felines and something chewable or smashable, and in the resulting confusion whisk this lovely mirror away where Sigyn can enjoy it and the human female can’t foul its glass with her ugsome visage.

Still playing by the Cat Rule:  What’s mine is mine, and what’s yours is mine if I can get it.

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In Which I Am Grudgingly Thankful

Oh, look.  It’s the annual eat-until-you-are-more-than-half-afraid-you’ll-burst holiday.  Didn’t we just do this?

Sigyn says it’s also a day for giving thanks.  She says I should make a list of my “blessings.”

I am not one naturally given to gratitude–or platitudes–but I suppose I am at least marginally thankful for the following:

  1. Sigyn, of course.
  2. Good health.  I am the epitome of perfection, so no complaints here.  Sigyn is fine too.
  3. Plenty of work.  There is always something to bung up, disconnect, unbalance, leave fingerprints on, loosen the cap of, cancel an order for, or submit a bogus requisition for.
  4.  It is still Too Wet to Mow.  I’ve gotten out of more yard work this fall, and the human female is ashamed of the state of the lawn.
  5.   The Terror Twins.  I’ve trained them well, and they are now expert-level toy stashers.  The house is full of mice and balls and none are in evidence.  Taffy is into everything, and Flannel has learned how to barf from the top level of the cat tree.
  6. Colored leaves. (Sigyn made me add that one.)
  7. The human female.  With her penchant for falling down, running into doorways and desk corners, and bludgeoning herself with lawn equipment, she’s an endless source of amusement.  If I were making Thanksgiving dinner and she didn’t live in the house, I wouldn’t invite her, but she has her  uses.
  8. Pie.

It’s a short list, but again, I’m not one for huge displays or mushy emotions.  It will have to do.

Pass the pie.

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