three texts

In Not-So-Good Hands

Ehehehe.  Thanks to my machinations, the human female’s little car continues to be a giant blue doorstop in the driveway.  It’s been over a week now, and she’s still trying to get it fixed.  The angst–and the paperwork!–are piling up.  I’ve munched through three batches of popcorn, just sitting here and enjoying the show.


She’s started numbering her notes just so she can keep them straight.  So far, the claims process looks like this:

  1.  Call for a preliminary estimate from Totalprovince  (her carrier.)   This involves
  2.  Downloading an app which requires (all sorts of phone acrobatics) and then
  3.  Taking and uploading photos.

When the estimate comes back the next day, it absolutely is just a preliminary estimate.  There could well be supplemental expenses, since probably not all the damage is visible.  Of course, the humans have questions, so the human female needs to:

4. Call Totalprovince again.  This is when she learns that putting the claim through Allstate will affect the deductible, which at this point, is essentially zero. Even though it wasn’t her fault!  The helpful person on the phone directs her to call the Express Team and something something something about the “Claim Owner.”

5.  Calling the Express Team nets the human female the recommendation that the she take the process through the other party’s insurance carrier, which should be listed on the accident report.  Very well.  The human female instructs her insurance agency to put her claim with them on hold.  The helpful young man on the other end of the phone tells her that it could get marked “closed,” but it wouldn’t really be…

6.  Logging in to the city’s accident report hub gets her a surprise!  She will have to pay for a copy of the accident report.  Insult to injury!

7.  Since she’s too cheap to do that, she looks back at the text she got from the man who rear-ended her and finds his insurance carrier, Ho-hum,  and policy number.  She looks them up online and finds the local phone number.

8. The helpful person at Ho-hum’s local office instructs her to call the main number for the carrier, which is in a different state.

9.  That number rings disconnected. So she calls the local office again, talks to a different person, and gets a different number.

10.  This number works, but the policy number provided by the other party doesn’t match anything.  It’s missing a digit, maybe?  Okay, they’ve managed to find him by his name–he was just  missing a “2.”  Progress!

Well, not so much.  This office can’t do anything, since they outsource all their claims to a third party company, Claims-R-Us.  She needs to call them!

11.  So she does!  She even gets a name for the adjustor handling this case.   Let us call him… Percy.  Of course, Percy is not available, but she does at least have a name now!  She leaves a message.  Wow.  She’s starting to sound a little frayed around the edges.

At this point, she has wasted the better part of the afternoon.  But is she done?  Certainly not!  She still needs to:

12.  Call Totalprovince again and ask them if they can please do what she pays them to do and cut through all red tape.   They promise to try.

13.  Text the guy who hit her and ask him to double check his policy number, just in case she ever gets through to someone who can actually help.

Totalprovince calls back and tells her that she needs to speak to Percy at Claims-R-Us.  If you ever meet the human female, you will recognize her by the flat spot on her forehead from where she bangs it on the desk on days like this.

Huzzah!  The Percy the Adjustor called back!  Of course, he called while she had a student in her office, so she had to ask him to call back.

14.  At last!  Percy calls back, takes her information–which he didn’t have because Mister Guilty Party somehow failed to relay any of it to Claims-R-Us, and promises to have someone drive out to look at her car and draw up an estimate.

She waits.  And waits.

On Thursday, an email from someone who is Not Percy shows up in her inbox.  Attached is an estimate.


Great Frigga’s hairpins!  That estimate is about $900 more than the estimate from Totalprovince.  Why so much?!

Ah.  Percy has written up the estimate to include replacing the rear hatch, the rear hatch glass, and the little Honda badge.  He also figures in repainting the rear body panel, and a lot of other things.  After puzzling over this, the human female comes up with the idea that perhaps he was including re-affixing some of the wiring on the rear heads-up brake light that is still dangly after the rear windshield was shot out last July.

15. The human female is too honest to let Percy or Claims-R-Us or Ho-hum pay for anything not related to the recent accident, so she writes them a polite email spelling out all the parts of the estimate that really don’t apply.  She ask them to give her an updated estimate.

You’d think the parties involved would jump at the chance to shell out less on this claim, wouldn’t you?  But that was last Thursday.  It’s MONDAY now and no word from Claims-R-Us.

Guess she’s gonna have to make another phone call.

>|: [