what–no Exacto knife?

I’m Sure This is a Metaphor, Part V: Now We’re Getting to the Fun Stuff!

Paper clips? Boring. Tape? Super boring. Random tools? Boring2. Twist-ties? Infinitely boring. Scissors? Slightly more interesting…

Isn’t there anything entertaining in this stoopid drawer? I mean, look at this! What even is this, some sort of weird shoe-horn? Pathetic.

(snick) Oh…!

There’s a blade hiding in there! You have my attention.

Great Frigga’s hairpins! The humans have been holding out on me. They have one of these, too!

Pointy, pointy! Now, are there any replacement blades for—-

Sweet! Come to Loki!

This makes me wonder what else might be lurking in here.

(dig, dig, dig)

A little jar of razor blades and a disposable lighter.

I don’t know why I haven’t had a good rummage in this drawer before now. I’ve been missing out on a lot of really useful items!

Like MATCHES!

And MORE MATCHES!!! (That green box in front is from a restaurant that went out of business at least twenty years ago, if that tells you anything about the humans’ hoarding habits!)

So, to recap, we have three kinds of dangerous cutting tool* plus replacement blades, as well as two separate ways to start fires. This drawer is showing a lot of potential.

What else is in here? Ah. Right. If you have the above, you should also have these:

I sense there will be some mischief of a very specific nature in the humans’ future…

>|: [

*Four, if you count all the scissors…